More doublespeak from Verizon, one of the companies accused of massively violating its customers' privacy

Reuters

"Verizon does not, and will not, provide any government agency unfettered access to our customer records or provide information to the government under circumstances that would allow a fishing expedition," the company said on Friday.

Verizon didn't provide the government "unfettered" access to my phone records.

Phew.

I mean, sure, Verizon provided the government spy agencies "fettered" access to my private, confidential, personal phone records that they were supposed to keep to themselves for the past many years that I've been a Verizon customers - and they didn't. But the good news is that there was no "unfettered" access. Only fettered.

Unfettered massive privacy violation by Verizon = bad.

Fettered massive privacy violation by Verizon = good.

Got it now?

I want to sue Verizon, AT&T and BellSouth for billions. Okay all you lawyers out there, how do we do this? I'm talking lawsuits in every state.