A father's pain

The New York Times has a story today on a father who is worried about his son because of the Iraq war. The father struggles to balance disapproval of the war's management with his support for his son, and his concern for his son's well-being, resulting in a portrait of worry, difficult communication, and grief. I've edited an excerpt slightly for readability:

There are times in the life of John Barkes, the father of Josh Barkes, who is fighting in Iraq, that people, perfect strangers, come up to him and say the harshest things — words intended to comfort but words that wind up only causing pain.

"I love you, John, and I'm glad your son is in Iraq fighting for our freedom," they might say, according to Ron Kaufman, a longtime friend of Mr. Barkes, who has witnessed any number of such encounters — perhaps at a church gathering, or a family reunion. They are, he says, just one way the service of the son has taken a toll on the father. "It wears on his heart," Mr. Kaufman said, "and his soul."

[Mr. Barkes' daughter] says her father is growing more emotional as he ages — "he has a tender heart that is getting tenderer" — which makes mentions of his eldest son that much harder to take.

Of course, when I say I edited that excerpt for readability, what I really mean is that I changed the names so you wouldn't want to light yourself on fire, as I did when I first read it. The article is not, in fact, about the parent of a soldier, but about . . . George H.W. Bush. Because what the country really wants to hear about is, um, the emotional hardship of Bush 1 over the deservedly horrendous approval ratings of Bush 2. Here are the real paragraphs:

There are times in the life of George Herbert Walker Bush, the 41st president of the United States and father of the 43rd, that people, perfect strangers, come up to him and say the harshest things — words intended to comfort but words that wind up only causing pain.

"I love you, sir, but your son’s way off base here," they might say, according to Ron Kaufman, a longtime adviser to Mr. Bush, who has witnessed any number of such encounters — perhaps at a political fund-raiser, or a restaurant dinner, a chance meeting on the streets of Houston or Kennebunkport, Me. They are, he says, just one way the presidency of the son has taken a toll on the father. "It wears on his heart," Mr. Kaufman said, "and his soul." These are distressing days for the Bush family patriarch . . .

Mrs. Koch says her father is growing more emotional as he ages — "he has a tender heart that is getting tenderer" — which makes criticism of his eldest son that much harder to take.

Front page national news: it's tough when your son is totally screwing up the country you once ran, ruining its national security and responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths.

Of course, it's not the death and destruction that bothers Bush the Elder, it's the mean criticism! When Bush I did a speech in which he voiced total support of Bush II, the speechwriter says, he was sending a message:

"I think he understood he was going to have a national audience, and I think he wanted to send an unmistakable signal . . . I think he wanted to say none of that malarkey matters. I just want to support my son."

The war, the deaths, the faltering economy, and a overwhelmingly dissatisfied nation. Or as George H.W. Bush thinks of it, "malarkey."