Our people continue to die, and Bush just grins

Keeping a consistent and coherent thought process regarding my experiences in Iraq is quite challenging for me. It was such an overwhelming experience that it takes me a while to nail down just one specific episode and write a piece totally focused on that one event. There are just too many memories and stories to write about the war in such a narrow fashion. So I just let it flow- whatever comes to mind I just write.

I remember having breakfast in the dining facility at Fort Riley, KS in spring of 2004. A friend of mine, Corporal Richardson, was sitting beside me while we watched CNN while eating. Bush was on spitting out his usual crap. Talking like the fake cowboy he always wanted to be. It was bothersome to listen to him speak in such a cavalier manner about the fighting going on in Iraq. On the bottom of the screen a news flash came in that US troops had been killed. Richardson became clearly upset. He said to me that he was so sick of seeing our people getting fu*ked up and Bush just stands there and smiles. I felt the exact same way. Corporal Richardson was killed in action on his second tour in Iraq. (As a side note - Richardson and I never spoke to each other about our political views so I do not know what his position was regarding the war. I can just remember vividly from that conversation that he was not happy with Bush's demeanor that morning.)

Commingled with that sad memory is just pure anger. Why did this happen? How could we let this stooge mislead our nation into this unjust and illegal war? I ask myself these same questions over and over again. I probably have asked myself a thousand times. I don’t want to – and if I could help it I wouldn’t bother putting myself through this. And as much as I wake up everyday and feel like quitting and moving on with life I just can’t.

My need to continue speaking out against this travesty is present at all times. No matter what the circumstance and no matter how unpleasant it’s still always there.

Criticism comes at me from all directions. I often read the replies to my blog posts here and see that readers call me complicit with Bush because I fought in Iraq. They call me a cowardly war criminal because I didn’t throw down my weapon, refuse my deployment, and go to prison like the courageous “war resisters.” The fanatics from the right-wing call me a traitor, a terrorist sympathizer, and insist that I leave the country. A couple days ago I received an email from one of the members of the Philadelphia Daily News Editorial Board telling me that I’m “doomed for perpetual disappointment.”

When you are dealt these blows on a consistent basis it’s not always easy to keep driving on – but I know there is no other option. There will be no inner peace for me until this war is over.

I always wanted to serve my country. Just like the true American heroes from the greatest generation who fought in World War II. I view those veterans with such admiration and respect. They can look back on their lives and feel that they actually fought for something noble and hold their heads up high. I’ll look back with total regret that my patriotism and willingness to fight for my country was used by cowards like Bush to advance a murderous/neoconservative ideology. Serving in Iraq was not serving or protecting my country.

Knowing what I know now – how can I deny that fact?

The only way for me to balance it out is by fighting for an end to this war. I feel that I can serve my country better in that capacity. And in some strange way I feel that I am avenging the deaths of my fellow soldiers who have so tragically fallen.

Our generation is faced with a tremendous challenge. The Bush Administration is destroying us from the outside and from within. Our nation is plunged deep into a war that is not winnable and at home we are deeply divided. Bush and his power hungry gang of thugs have plagued us with hate, fear, and endless lies.

Congress has demonstrated that they are unwilling to stop this madness. So it is up to us now to step up and force change. We have to epitomize the meaning of “we the people.” It is what we inherited from our founding fathers when they wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. They provided us with such a wonderful gift. Unfortunately that gift was taken from us. Now we must fight to earn it back.

Hopefully this war will teach us the lesson that we failed to learn from the Vietnam War – that it will “never happen again.” That is the precedent that I hope I will have helped to achieve along with all of those involved in this struggle.

The last time I spoke with my friend Ron Kovic he suggested that I incorporate this memorable quote from the last scene of the movie Platoon into one of my writings. I think this is the appropriate piece for it. Sorry for those who have not seen the movie.

“I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy; we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, for the rest of my days. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.”

John Bruhns
Iraq Veteran