When allies don't act like it

Being able to access a vast wealth of opinions, knowledge, and analysis by all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds and perspectives is an astonishing benefit of being engaged with blogs. Bloggers, commenters, and even lurkers all help create vibrant communities around all kinds of issues and events, and that's been an especially significant boon to progressives. In particular, the sense of camaraderie, of shared perspectives and aims, forges connections for people who might otherwise feel isolated or silenced, and helps us work together to discuss and act on important things.

There can be, though, a darker side to this, an ugly side. A part of the conversation where putative allies turn on each other, where people think the anonymity -- or even just the physical separation -- of this medium makes it okay to treat people with contempt and with sneering disrespect. I'm not even talking about ideological opponents, though with few exceptions they deserved to be engaged as human beings too -- I'm talking about friends, allies, colleagues. Part of it is the primary, which has raised long-simmering issues around race and gender, not to mention the inevitable choosing of sides involved in any intra-party contest, but I have to admit I've been shocked, especially in recent weeks, at how personal people make some of this -- not just for themselves, but in attacking others. This isn't some endorsement Broderism "civility" that boils down to no cursing and no challenging the status quo, because the status quo could use some shaking up and if you want to curse people out, that's your business. But I hope it will be a wakeup call to a person or two who might take a second to realize that nobody's opinion or experience, no matter how strongly held or deeply felt, grants the right to be a jerk. Tactics matter.

I understand emotions run high, and that's not only understandable, it's warranted and often beneficial. How those emotions are directed, though, can be the difference between engagement and some combination of dismissal and hurt. Within the progressive community -- and within our many sub-communities -- it seems like we're alienating each other at an alarming rate. And I should say, this isn't about me personally -- sure, I get my share of hate mail; you don't get to write a book talking about government failures in war and intelligence without being called an asshole, a liar, a terrorist sympathizer, and -- the one that, I admit, stings no matter whom it comes from -- a traitor. But at least I have the small comfort of knowing that this bile comes from people who consider me an enemy, rather than from within a community I consider myself a part of.

Everybody has a right to express their opinion, but there's no right to be listened to. That has to be earned. Nobody is born with it, and no matter how oppressed or marginalized or upset anybody is, the moral high ground isn't conferred by identity but by thought and argument and reason. And if you feel like nobody listens to you, the fastest way to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy is to lash out. Again, tactics matter, and bullying and intimidation are unacceptable means even for justifiable ends -- especially within communities. People are going to screw up, and people are going to disagree, and it would be nice if progressives of all kinds gave each other a little bit of leeway, a little bit of the benefit of the doubt. Working through those moments sure as hell is better than destroying each other over issues, even -- and perhaps particularly -- those that engender passion. At the end of the day, after all, we're all we have.